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Anger

Management

by Dina A. Das
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

There is that split second


between getting angry and
remaining composed.
If only the angry person could
make that split second last for
two seconds, he just might be
able to overcome that anger.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

IF YOU ARE ANGRY


ANGRY:: PLEASE BE
INTELLIGENT!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

DECIDE (NOW) THAT WHEN IT


NEXT HAPPENS, YOU’LL SHUT UP!
(Don’t expect to make that
decision after becoming angry!)

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

ANCIENT SAYING:

Lust, Anger & Greed – these are


the three gates to Hell.
Every SANE man should give these up
For they lead to
the degradation of the soul.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

So much for the soul now!


Let’s move on to a little fun
– we now have a Role Play.

2 volunteers please!

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

ANCIENT STORY:

 The Man Who Took 100 Baths

Conclusion: In Every Tradition And


Culture of the World, There Are
Records of saintly persons who have
overcome anger.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

MODERN STORY:

The Husband and Wife in



England

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Manage Your Anger In 2 secs.

NOT POSSIBLE UNLESS


WE REALISE:
I AM NOT MY MIND

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

If you say ‘I am angry’ or


‘I sometimes become
angry’ – then you can
never conquer anger!

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

So long as you are


identifying yourself with
the enemy (mind), you
haven’t a hope of getting
control of it!

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Instead, we should become


conscious – “My mind is
threatening to enter its Anger
Mode – shall I allow it?
Take ownership & control of it
Or else It will control You!
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Instead of thinking “I am about


to become angry”,
angry”, one should
think “My dear monkey-
monkey-brother-
brother-
mind is threatening to dive into
the freedom of anger
and out of my grasp…

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

… now shall I allow the rascal to


break free or shall I restrain him
and use my intellect to divert its
thoughts to something other than
the source of aggravation before
me.” Such power, all saintly
persons have.
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

If one thinks in this way and


practices developing a dialogue
internally, then there is hope
that one day he will strengthen
his intellect’s ability to control
the mind adequately to
overcome the problem entirely.
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

1. We are the first person


to know when we are
about to get angry….
Nostrils flare, breathing
changes etc.
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

2. Ugly truth is, we ALLOW


ourselves to get angry
because we actually
ENJOY it – once we blow
the fuse, no rules apply,
no need to hold back….
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

3. Make this decision NOW


(while cool-
cool-headed):
vow to be silent every
time we detect anger
beginning to surge in us.
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

4. Shut up. Excuse ourselves


humbly. Go work on it. Let
it out somewhere else and
get to the root of what’s
really troubling you.
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
USING YOUR ANGER

VS.

LOSING YOUR ANGER

The Story of the Saintly Snake

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Be honest with
5.

yourself: acknowledge
anger when it’s there –
repression accomplishes
nothing.
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

6. So what to do with the


anger if we avoid
blowing up a situation –
the anger is still
remaining within us….
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

7. We MUST learn to
Introspect.
Some psychologists and spiritualists say:
“It is our own faults that we subconsciously
see reflected in others which makes us
spontaneously dislike them.”

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
SOMETIMES WE ARE ABLE TO TOLERATE OUR
OFFICE MATES SO MUCH, BUT NOT THE FOLKS
AT HOME?

FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT…?

Why?

Lack of Introspection, Absence of Communication


channels: no quality time spent for the purpose
of learning to communicate

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
SOMETIMES WE ARE ABLE TO TOLERATE A
GREAT DEAL FROM PEOPLE WE LIKE, BUT
VERY LITTLE FROM THOSE WHOM WE
DON’T LIKE.

IF SOMEONE DID THAT TO YOU,


WOULDN’T YOU FEEL DISCRIMINATED
AGAINST?

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

8. How Do We Begin To
Introspect?

Anger Can Be Defined as the


product of a desire that has
been frustrated.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

8. If Anger Came From


Desire, Where Did That
Come from?

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

The Forces Of Desire Sit


In the Senses
Themselves, In The
Mind and In The
Intellect.
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Alright, mate – how did


the desires get there?
By Contemplating The Objects
of the Senses, One Becomes
attached to them.
Contemplation-->attachment
Contemplation attachment-->desire -> anger
-> greed ->bewilderment of memory -> ffall
all--down
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Solving Problems Instantly

A problem is not a problem if you:

(a) Acknowledge it’s there

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Solving Problems Instantly

A problem is not a problem if you:

(b) isolate it and identify

all elements involved

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Solving Problems Instantly


A problem is not a problem if you:

(c) after examining all possible


lines of action available, do
whatever you are able to
towards solving the problem
under the present circumstances.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Solving Problems Instantly

A problem is not a problem if you:

(d) then leave it and get


on with life till it comes
back to you once again.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Solving Problems Instantly


A problem is not a problem if you:

(e) THEN JUST WAIT for the


other party to act/respond or
WAIT TILL IT [the problem] HITS
YOU AGAIN – meanwhile, get on
with your life….
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Solving Problems Instantly

– you can’t guarantee action


from the other party nor can you
demand it if they are not as
committed to building the
relationship as you are.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Solving Problems Instantly


For now, the problem is already
solved [for the present at least]
because no other lines of action
remain open to you for the
present, and worrying about it or
thinking endlessly would be
simply unproductive!
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Solving Problems Instantly

The ball [and possibly the whole


game itself] is now in the
other person’s court…
Be cool and just see if they want
to play ball with you.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Solving Problems Instantly


-------------------------------------
*The above could be analysed as
commitment--testing
commitment testing--approach to conflict
resolution as opposed to directly
confronting or trying to resolve the
problem itself i.e. the attitude of thinking
that until all issues are clarified and fully
settled, I shall continue to feel ill at ease
because the problem is still pending.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Making Your Weakness


Become A Strength

In this way, your weakness (eg. anger)


can become your strength.
It remains a weak spot only when
you don’t identify it or don’t take
remedial measures!

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Conclusion

Anger is our common weakness –


it’s not a problem once you take
precautions so that you do not
say or do anything damaging
when you are angry

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Conclusion

SHUT UP and remove yourself from


the scene, then your anger is
harmless like a volcano eruption
under the ocean. You may still
become angry, but no untoward
consequences arise out of it.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Conclusion

“If everyone can learn to find peace


within himself
himself,, there would be
peace within the family
family.. If
families are peaceful, the
community is peaceful. When
communities are at peace,
nations are peaceful.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

Conclusion

When nations are peaceful, all wars


would end. So anger management
and self-
self-introspection in general are
great tools for elevating the
consciousness of mankind from the
beastly status to the higher levels.”

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T
GUIDING WORDS SKILLS

(if you hold on to them now, they’ll be very helpful to


clear your mind when your deep in some conflict.)

1. “Don’t wear your heart on your


sleeve”… or you’ll hurt yourself…
Hide it and open up at the right
place and time with the right
person. (& close up again when done.)

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T
SKILLS
GUIDING WORDS
(if you hold on to them now, they’ll be very helpful to
clear your mind when your deep in some conflict.)

2. Don’t ever become a


pretender – remember the
saying: “Above All Else, To
Thine Ownself Be True.”

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

3. If you’ve been hurt by a friend, do be


honest – you must let him know in
good time.. if not, the relationship will
not grow… problems in a relationship
are like mountains that must be
crossed, to bring us to a higher
plateau – it’s natural in the growth of
loving relationships.

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

4. Sometimes we hurt our


beloved ones unknowingly.
Sometimes we do so
knowingly or subconsciously.
Why would we want to do
that?..../
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

4. …./ Because we need to test


and find out if they still care for
us: If they do care, they will
get hurt – not otherwise. It
helps us to trust that person
more and to overcome our
insecurities at being exposed to
potential exploitation or hurt by
that person. (Take care not to
be manipulative though!!)
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

5. Love brings with it expectation.


Expectation of gentleness, of
reciprocation. Do not expect
any honour or reciprocation
where mutual relationship does
not exist…

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT
A N G E R M A N A G E M EN T

6. {For those who believe in God,


it is said that Pure Love exists
only with God.. See ‘trnad
api…’ All lesser mortals are
necessarily selfish because of
the natural demands of their
senses and mind.}
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das AN G E R MANAG E ME NT

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